if time is an illusion

cold nights

I held on to you

as the world whirled away

spinning stories

to take away the hours

hoping some of these

could come true

we were so young then

everything lay in front

so much less left behind

if time is an illusion

ours then was but a dream

holding on to something

much better than nothing

& we had plenty of that

lovers lost in talking the night

this story is never old

never young

only endlessly repeating

history of dreams

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I read the great book

written by the great man

devoured every word

thought it interesting

what a life to lead

& that was that

until a few years later

pulled up a copy in a thrift store

signed by the dude himself

& read it again

this time being older

having made

my own changes

I found insights

truths pushing to the fore

understanding of

who the man

had been

the wit

wisdom showing through

& just maybe

if I wait a couple years more

I might get down to

who he was

when he was writing

wanting himself to be

it’ll be gravy man just you watch & see

I’ve known

unfortunately heard

garage rock bands

all chords & slow drums

aware they were going to be big

then split within a month

due to musical differences

aka ego

late night daubers

involved in their technique

begging for wall space in cafes

hustling the concrete

make ends meet

but Bob

I worked with Bob

such a short time

pressing plastic injection levers

ejecting mass produced goods

if we can stretch that meaning

Bob believed

one day he would run the factory

be the boss of all he surveyed

it’ll be gravy man

just you watch & see

& after one late night too long

they had to let me go

one too many levers pulled wrong

I saw Bob some years later

waiting to cross the street

no difference in demeanour

no advancement writ large

on those wanting to be big feet

he caught my eye looked away

just one more worker bee

caught in the headlights

of the company

steamed windows

the true way

the only way

when the gig is over

love is done

is to pack up all your shit

move out the same day

don’t leave a note

be there when she comes home

say

this is over

give her the keys

& walk away

but no

we gotta have reasons

post mortems

discussions arguments

please stays

& all you wanna say

is remember baby

the days

when we steamed up the windows?

all that passion has long been gone

& today

I woke up

understanding

they were never

gonna come again

standing in a room

no warning on the packet

I find myself feeling loss

standing in a room

staring out the window

feeling some dread for nothing

as I wonder where you are

there was no warning

anywhere on the packet

I know ‘cos I searched

high & low

not wanting these emotions

expecting them

after the day I fell for you

I’m happy getting the highs

but these dips when you go away

loss & less in empty rooms

were unexpected

pride can be such a shallow beast

the man wants help fill in forms

talk to the man in court

& I say we can do this

but I need the full story

just lay it out like it

or maybe was back then

otherwise we go in there

they ambush on what they call facts

& he stumbles over words

checking out how I care about him

aware he doesn’t come out well

like I’d be surprised about this

or maybe about him

& how to say I don’t care?

even the lowest snake

deserves some defence

even of it is another snake

doing the talking

like me

we all got shame

just that some hide it better

than others

if we could have done better

we would have

right?

come Saturday the sleep slays the hours

I did it because I could

tired of working 12hr shifts

& the pick me up

towards the end of those hours

meant I could finish

go home see my girl & live a little

but then it gets to

having a taste when you start

because you’re still burned out

from yesterday

& you make it through today

make it through the week

come Saturday the sleep slays the hours

& she wants to go out see friends

go eat brunch go shop clothes

& sleep is all you need

so she goes on her own

& Saturday night you take a taste

go sweep through the town

& Sunday you need sleep again

but there’s chores to be done

& you’re on the run baby

you’re on the hook now

just to do your life your love

your fun