twisted

I’d be about seven

when I developed an obsession

for my friend Pauls mum

following him & her home from school

just to watch her be with him

how she laughed as he talked

stroked his mad hair & smiled

my obsession grew into a twist

I had an urge for her to spank me

feeling my bottom grew warm at the thought

this came after I saw her chastise John

Pauls younger brother over her knee

she smacked him then cuddled him

as he cried

trying to understand that now

is a dark minefield of dread feelings

was it that I was mourning my absent mother

a hint of early sexualisation

brought about by abuse I’ve repressed

or just the extent to which I’d put myself to

just to receive some form of affection

in my empty life?

Advertisements

One thought on “twisted

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s