shouting at kids

there is no win

no matter

being young beautiful

& educated

with shouting at kids

wanting to play

there is no win

there never can be

any back up plan

after the shouting

& I’m watching

wanting to suggest other

maybe de escalation

a conversation

but no

she has already let me know

I have nothing to offer here

such is the indifference

being young beautiful

& educated

shouting at kids

there is no win

there never can be

any back up plan after that

not to interfere

Bar Ato Huesca

mebbe 2 in the afternoon

I’d driven through the pyrennees

needed food

& I belly up to the bar

say cerveza por favour

& the man goes wha?

with his hand to his ear

&  i repeat cerveza por favor presion

& the pantomime goes on

so I point at the pump

do my own mimic indicate small

& he poured me a beer

later I suggest raciones?

point to olives meatballs in tomato

chorizo swimming in oil

he brings me bread & a fork

& all becomes good in the world

just as at the end of the bar

another pale anglo comes in

she walks up slow

looking around nervous

says un café con leche

por favor

& the mime act starts over again

as suddenly I get it

for these Spanish locals

we are too quiet

undemanding & shy

here you need volume

to beat the background noise

silently I urge her to shout

as I’ve learned the hard way

not to interfere

as her gaze sweeps over me

just another unhelpful man

in this world of sweated boys

too seriously

oh man

we spent some years together

growing up getting drunk

doing what we could for fun

& then you got take yourself

all serious doing some

you felt important job

& we went along

for a little while more

until the sunny day

we went to the river

flew out on the rope

just hanging there

& you swung out

hadn’t reached high enough

hit the bank with a great bang

& you never forgave us

for laughing right out loud

& that’s how

we remember you now

not the great kid good ideas

but the growed up man

who took himself

too seriously

after another judy gone

& then the tears come

I keep quiet about the nights

times holding myself

arms wrapped around

trying to sleep

feeling sorry for myself

again

after another judy gone

telling me I’m emotionless

don’t seem to care

& oh baby if you could only

see me then

would you dare?

squawking into the pillows

hiding my head in shame

to let those tears go

when I was with you

talking about how I felt

always seemed

you didn’t want to know

you saying you were

washed away by my feelings

too much for you to hold

so I shut them away

unfortunately

not for good