never quite the whole

she was telling the world

at least our small part of

that I was the angry man

she had to get out

fast as while she can

& she was not wrong

even if she didn’t tell all

never quite the whole plan

I’d get home after a long day

she’d gone out the flat iron on

burning through the counter

or the stepping out old flame

while I was late shift working

coming home morning bird songs

finding strange lingerie flung

expecting me to be clear up man

& if I thought this was love

it was never quite the whole

due to a hungry angry working man

one of those

I kinda liked the job

turned up on time

did what was tasked

punched out went home

& provided I got left alone

could cope with the time

but there is always one

one of those

don’t bring me problems

bring me solutions

or you

are part of the problem guys

& he’d talk while chewing gum

right in my ear

& when asked if he wouldn’t

he thought I was the rude dude

it was after I pointed out

he was the fella paid to solve

rather than want me to fix shit

we finally saw eye to eye

it was time for me to move on

that’s the thing with assholes

they are always there

stinking up the place

feeling fundamental

worst part

of growing up

moving away from toys

to being interested in people

was finding the lie

everything it seemed

was made

composed of great lies

my parents marriage

school rules

rules on the street

bullshit on the tv

the closer I looked

the more I saw

the smoke & mirrors

illusion

difference between

what people said

& what they actually did

needed a guy

drive the truck

be around for the nurses

late night needle exchange

dark parts downtown

swapping out

needles swabs syringes

sterile water cotton balls

no questions

on the one for one

tho’ you suspect the man

is getting guns for his buying crew

help the supply line along

& I was fine

finding spots away from the blue

places for the queue to be

got to hand out the condoms

a thin plastic dam or two

paper for rehabs

phone lines places to go to

& I had to leave

my time had come

the night the voice called

hey there Ben is that you?

& we hugged like old friends

the man who’d slung shit

back in the day to my girl

the one I’d left

when she couldn’t make a day

get through without a haze

see me standing clear

in the sun

wanting to pull her through

re read

I re read the book

& I don’t know

what I read the first time

but it wasn’t this

mebbe I was in a bad place

some sad face looking

out for the hook

& now

I found the humour

the sly asides

where before

I must have read

just full on

getting through the pages

searching for clues

I guess that’s what

all readers do

read what they want to