they love you when they love you

I was her bass player

a little vignette

dancing queen from Abba

while she riffed on Springsteen

my home town

time that changes

no longer how her life goes

like when she was a child

in her daddy’s arms

I played the bass

as she explained her losses

the hurts that bind to sorrow

losing her way to find a home

hinting yet not exploring

how she had failed to grow

& after the gig

I picked up my bass amp & leads

made my way to the underground

never to hear from her ever again

understanding lovers

they love you when they love you

your back beat makes the sound

but forget so easy

when you’re not around

& she is letting go

Anita is dancing

taking over the dance floor

couple of ciders

in her

& she is letting go

this is her night

her weekend

her world

with friends

all the good people

she knows

loves

likes trusts

understanding

she is letting go

we never hear her complain

pains of being a single mother

creating a happy home

this is her night

her weekend

& she is letting go

dancing

completely

classic wind up merchant

taking the piss again

he says

classic wind up merchant

& you think

I asked straight

that is all I do?

he looks puzzled now

yeah y’know

I’m never sure if you’re serious

you say the most strange things

joking around

pushing at the edges

making me think about stuff

I wouldn’t ordinarily do or

think on about

just supposin’ I ventured

I was to say those things

with a straight way

out front up close?

well then

I’d think you were

downright rude obnoxious

crazy even…

so mebbe

this is why I say these things

in the way I do?

there y’go man he says

you’re doing it again….

creation

a wanting thing

pretty is as pretty does

where I projected upon

wanting her to be a good

whole decent human being

& being beautiful

she had never worked

at any of that stuff

never had the need

but I had yet to know this

putting my wishes hopes

fantasies dreams

into her dead place soul

but first I thought her love

being a slow child in feels

I built her & me up

wanting this to be more

than a one way street

worse of all I found myself

waking up bringing my hurt

in a sad sack all of my own

creation

never quite the whole

she was telling the world

at least our small part of

that I was the angry man

she had to get out

fast as while she can

& she was not wrong

even if she didn’t tell all

never quite the whole plan

I’d get home after a long day

she’d gone out the flat iron on

burning through the counter

or the stepping out old flame

while I was late shift working

coming home morning bird songs

finding strange lingerie flung

expecting me to be clear up man

& if I thought this was love

it was never quite the whole

due to a hungry angry working man

one of those

I kinda liked the job

turned up on time

did what was tasked

punched out went home

& provided I got left alone

could cope with the time

but there is always one

one of those

don’t bring me problems

bring me solutions

or you

are part of the problem guys

& he’d talk while chewing gum

right in my ear

& when asked if he wouldn’t

he thought I was the rude dude

it was after I pointed out

he was the fella paid to solve

rather than want me to fix shit

we finally saw eye to eye

it was time for me to move on

that’s the thing with assholes

they are always there

stinking up the place

feeling fundamental

worst part

of growing up

moving away from toys

to being interested in people

was finding the lie

everything it seemed

was made

composed of great lies

my parents marriage

school rules

rules on the street

bullshit on the tv

the closer I looked

the more I saw

the smoke & mirrors

illusion

difference between

what people said

& what they actually did