they love you when they love you

I was her bass player

a little vignette

dancing queen from Abba

while she riffed on Springsteen

my home town

time that changes

no longer how her life goes

like when she was a child

in her daddy’s arms

I played the bass

as she explained her losses

the hurts that bind to sorrow

losing her way to find a home

hinting yet not exploring

how she had failed to grow

& after the gig

I picked up my bass amp & leads

made my way to the underground

never to hear from her ever again

understanding lovers

they love you when they love you

your back beat makes the sound

but forget so easy

when you’re not around

classic wind up merchant

taking the piss again

he says

classic wind up merchant

& you think

I asked straight

that is all I do?

he looks puzzled now

yeah y’know

I’m never sure if you’re serious

you say the most strange things

joking around

pushing at the edges

making me think about stuff

I wouldn’t ordinarily do or

think on about

just supposin’ I ventured

I was to say those things

with a straight way

out front up close?

well then

I’d think you were

downright rude obnoxious

crazy even…

so mebbe

this is why I say these things

in the way I do?

there y’go man he says

you’re doing it again….

worst part

of growing up

moving away from toys

to being interested in people

was finding the lie

everything it seemed

was made

composed of great lies

my parents marriage

school rules

rules on the street

bullshit on the tv

the closer I looked

the more I saw

the smoke & mirrors

illusion

difference between

what people said

& what they actually did

re read

I re read the book

& I don’t know

what I read the first time

but it wasn’t this

mebbe I was in a bad place

some sad face looking

out for the hook

& now

I found the humour

the sly asides

where before

I must have read

just full on

getting through the pages

searching for clues

I guess that’s what

all readers do

read what they want to

they talk the talk

when I was in so & so clubhouse

this that happened

telling stories of things there

he wasn’t a bad lad

more of a sad lad

wanting to impress

give the idea of connected

with his babble

I know him & him in the MC

what they really do

is make themselves fools

anybody

who has been in a clubhouse

has seen the sign

what happens in the clubhouse

stays in the clubhouse

but these idiots think it smart

to brag on stuff not theirs

so I turn away

as do the others here

the alternative

not being pretty to watch

crowd

times I had a crowd

others

was just me

walking alone

& I enjoy both

though if I have to choose

I’ll take the solitary path

anytime

the crowd has needs

got to be fed

new information

fresh fads

gossip to go

& I never quite know

why they flock the way they do

saying one thing

doing another

saying yes & being no

setting themselves

others up to fail

the who else will be there?

thing of cliques claques

until they rift apart

& I’m walking alone

again