draw in

looking

hoping to find

pieces of the jigsaw

make the complete picture

a corner from you

bits of skyline from her

base lines from them

as the puzzle got more complex

fuzzy in details

taking time to realize

all I needed was time

patience with myself

mebbe bright coloured pens

draw in the bits

I could not yet

bring to mind

pack of cigarettes

I got you a couple of packs I say

yeah thanks man he says quizzical

one eyebrow lifted

no, nothing else & definitely not that

they patted me down good

even found some old ibuprofen

in the corner of a pocket

besides this is the cure

right?

he nods as though nodding itself

has become a chore

you ok?

& he talks quietly for a while

the circles he goes to twelve stepping every morning

just after breakfast can’t even take a shit in peace

complaining now

I miss the beer shits man all loose not like the bullets

I got going on now high bran al dente vegetables

as he trails off looking into the garden

one day soon I’ll get out of here

and…

and I don’t know how I’m going to live

I know I can’t live like I used to

but…

but nothing man I go

we’ll do some shit like we used to

go fishing ride motorcycles live

yeah ok he goes

whatever you say

just between you & me

bad places

good learning

never sit with your back

to the door

middle of a public space

don’t corner somebody

meaner than you

if he has no friends

she has no friends

you will not be a friend

you can’t trust

a strangers scales

a person with a nickname

especially if its honest john

a call for a fair fight

a one time only

borrower of money

tools your time

just because she says

she is using contraception

that doesn’t mean

you don’t need to

if the police say

just between you & me

I know you didn’t do this

you don’t need a lawyer

or their lips are moving

remember

they are trained to lie

to trap you into guilt

& you are not always

the smartest kid in the room

soft blow the spark

I was waiting

on the corner

behind doors

in other peoples rooms

dark nights no friends

to take me home

looking for you

hoping for a call

& when we met

I could not tell you this

say the words to you

roads I walked alone

places I sat hoping

to catch a glimpse

something I could

claim as my own

for fear you’d feel reproach

that you were not there

where I wanted only

to soft blow the spark

build a fire

the unexamined life

I was waiting on the corner

we were gonna go do things

& you were late

as ever

& I was early

as ever

being bored

I was cloud watching

listening to the birds

anything to stop clockwatching

cursing our behaviours

as this old fella

in his electric buggy

came toward me

he bounced off the corner

to cross the road

& I heard him mutter

fucking road

fucking dips & fucking bumps

fucking state of it

a man has enough to deal with

with life as it is

& as he passed out of hearing

I could hear the litany

of his path

to understand properly

the idea

the unexamined life

is not worth living

wet brain in the rain again

coming home late

& there she was

standing corner of the street

hello baby she said

its been a long time

she started kissing me

holding my hands

staring into my eyes

feel my stocking tops

take me home got whispered

so I did if wondering the why

though my mind on overtime

was saying don’t go there again

I got her drink vodka on ice

while she sat chewing her cheek

is just like old times she smiled

& I had no questions to ask

didn’t want the answers to hear

we got between the sheets

& soon she was sleeping out flat

as I lay back satisfied unsatisfied

wondering how long before

all this shit turned sour

& sure enough around three

she woke up dug me in the ribs

what the fuck am I doing here?

did you do me while I was asleep?

I helped get her dressed

while she told me over & over

what a shit I was

she had no memory of meeting me

wanting me to take her home

eventually I pushed her out the door

the waiting cab door open

to take out the trash

until the next time