too many years much effort was spent
being different to my dad
whatever he originated
I did the opposite
to never be the same as him
until I got the good advice
you will never be you
until you fully accept how much of him
is in you
is you
& that required thought
decided the way through
I spent a weekend being my forebear
doing everything in the way of him
impersonating my pere all the ways I could
channelling the energy the drive
his half chuckle
that I found to be nerves in a crowd
the half dance he did on the spot
waiting for the phone
to connect
hiding behind the door in company
doing the dishes while listening to every word
to be around but not in conversations going
& found much that I am my father
my dad is in me
& by the end of the weekend
I began to see the real differences
between me & my originator
how I shy from crowds people
but also i
can be there expressing my thoughts
in a room of friends
open to feelings
& fully present
as me