creation

a wanting thing

pretty is as pretty does

where I projected upon

wanting her to be a good

whole decent human being

& being beautiful

she had never worked

at any of that stuff

never had the need

but I had yet to know this

putting my wishes hopes

fantasies dreams

into her dead place soul

but first I thought her love

being a slow child in feels

I built her & me up

wanting this to be more

than a one way street

worse of all I found myself

waking up bringing my hurt

in a sad sack all of my own

creation

the sickness

when the sickness takes hold

bites to the bone

there was nothing I would not do

to keep you close

nights wondering where you were

but knowing deep down

& it don’t help to know

right now I was the clown

I’d sworn never to be

seeing others torn into two

wanting to keep on this half life

half love forever chained

to somebody who doesn’t love you

in the way they swore to be

& it don’t help to know

you know how this will end

being foolish is little different

from being the fool

who doesn’t know what is coming

tomorrow the next bend

this sickness will drive you to

giddy

I’d got giddy on her

be all hugging trees

picnicking the deep woods

sitting in night silence

stalking spirit worlds

working to be ancient

a better vision person

wafting sage willy nilly

when all I wanted

was to be with

between her thighs

inside up close

holding on to her smell

smiles laughter love

as she wanted me

to be this other

wiser more spiritual

less lusty being

it was all a matter

who woke broke

blinked first

owes me nothing

took her from the street

not a rescue cat

more a dog afraid

of being beat

& we loved each other

for a little while

left me standing then

her time had moved on

her drum sounding

to another time another guy

left me on my own two feet

& if I was grateful

for anything

she had shown love at all

when I thought that

had gone another way

she owes me nothing

though back then

I felt she owed me more

just two strays

walking down the street

together for a little while

that’s all

kir s’il vous plait

dirty sign side of the road

washed dark with tyre spray

single bulb lighting FRITES

& I was hungry enough to stop

parked up went in through a dark door

to a just opened easy food smell

a little brunette smiled b’jour

offered me a table close to her

& I realised I’d not spoken

for close on to two days

hearing my voice rasp slow

kir s’il vous plait

which surprised her some

she brought that & a plastic menu

drifted back to her kitchen

while I pondered over steak or burger

could this be love?

I ordered the steak & of course frites

which she brought with a smile

a cold beer from the presion tap

suggested bon’appetit & was gone

while I wished we could talk more

after eating I ordered a café crem grande

& still nobody else had appeared

I thanked her paid fifteen euros

left a tip sighed a’voir thinking adios

creaked through the door into the rain

out into my world of driving & silence

once more

embellish the pages

apparently

it is possible to sell

this poesy stuff

on etsy

if you write love guff

can embellish the pages

with roses flowers

y’know fluff

& him who has paypal

people sending money

if you write love puffs

dripping with honey

while you

you freak

want to write about life

the struggles the pain

heartache anger love unrequited

sitting broke drunk

no money no future

nights spent walking

nowhere alone in the rain

there is no wonder

they don’t send

their hard earned gains

itch not able to scratch

I want to buy

feel the pill the chill

chasing down my veins

class A taste

back of the throat

tickling down

smells on my fingers

rolling papers

sitting in dark rooms

creating cutting lines

music all the way

chasing dragons in back streets

buying booze

just to take the taste again

& how to tell you

your love

much as I need you

in my life

loving me

will never completely

take these needs

away