this song senor

this song senor he smiled

es one of love the lover

who has gone away

walked the mountains

the mesa desert dunes

to go earn a peso in another country

& all she has now are letters

of loneliness new old cars

cold water shared rooms

a life of working living hard

he put some effort & soul into it

& I swear I saw a trickle

a little bead of sweat

these were sweet lies

the song was an old back country ballad

I caught references to dying vaqueros

wrapped up in homespun linen

where there will forever be

bad sad deaths in the afternoon

but who was I in this hot place

to deny the mariachi his money

this meagre prize?

up in the mountains

stopping for coffee

feeling the thin air bite

cold on my fingers tongue

rushing in for warmth

snow ice all around

thin guy hanging around

sell you a blanket bud?

white buffalo

Pendleton

forty bucks?

& too intent on coffee

getting to the warmth

I passed up the chance

on the great white buffalo

now when I hear Nugent

I know the river came close

& I passed it by

but for a few seconds

the call of warmth coffee

that could be mine

if Freud were here

drifting

turning down this road

going into the street where

that store we can get

images of mountains

rivers streams

places to sit eat drink

think of home

& these come unbidden

needing everyday stuffs

puzzling the rows

in AlCampo Auchan Le’Clerc

locales in Spain France

mom & pop shops in Arizona

outback station redwoods Cali

feeling the chill in the air

needing Alicante sun warmth

wearing a pop button shirt

bought in a Reno thrift

matched with jeans from goodwill

boots at a store Hampshire England

the world is shrinking in our dreams

& if Freud were here

you know I’d ask him what all of that

means

& to be true

I wanted to be gone

& to be true

I felt my people

wanted me gone too

one less mouth to feed

more cash for the booze

but where to go?

loving the sun the beach

the mountains lakes

green meadows blue skies

so many places

where to choose?

& knowing nowhere

could now be home

setting out for something

to be always alone

never settling here

wanting to be over there

somewhere else with you

roads I can’t get to

in other places different worlds

along the ocean highway

up into the mountains

there’s a place we can eat

look out over the world

& these roads I can’t get to

not outside my door

Bike is packed & ready

wanting to head for heaven tonight

twisties along the border

straight lines heading through the plains

the hairs on my arms lifting

as I think on mile after mile

on the edge of the desert

sun lifting my heart

warming through my shirt

& these roads I can’t get to

take me through long winter nights

the mountains will remain the same

there are no answers

waking at three is no good anymore

it has been a while since I was crawling through the door

at this kind of time

& instead the dark closes in my mind

thinking how of other changes in my life

when did I begin to care about the nothings of time?

I had my understanding nobody cares about anything

unless they are lovers or kith & kine

& even they have learnt to look the other way

when you come looking for answers

a kinder way to make it through

your bowl open & empty is all they see

& rather than tell you they too are empty

they will tell you to go look in another direction

there you might seek answers to find

leaving you to understand you are wrong again

these loves you look upon are only but chains

care for what you want to care

ignore what doesn’t kill you

& the mountains will remain the same