Fail & sometimes

we are set up to fail

we’d been out a few times

spent more time in

getting to know each other

letting the guard down

see who we really were

one night late as we prepared for bed

she began talking of her car accident

reconstructive surgery

& mute I said i had not seen a thing

the repairs were all to her head

skull fractures lines of surgery

where hair was now missing

as she lifted up her locks

to show the bald patches

where hair could no longer grow

I sat still saying nothing

as she let her hair down again

& nothing now looked amiss

I kissed her held her a while

& we slept together

got up late went about our days

she never invited me back again

would not answer my calls

this was over

whatever trap had been set

I took the fall

fell into fail

she must have seen something

there in my face

maybe I hadn’t…

said kissed cuddled held enough

whatever

I had been set up to fail

no conversation no nothing

can bring that moment back again

until waiting was done

I was waiting

hand held out

to pull you through

and I waited

until waiting was done

& you called out

if only I’d waited

just a while longer

you would’ve come through

but a fool gets tired

standing there like a mule

mute strong patience long

I was waiting

hand held out

wondering out loud

just where were you?

& you were waiting

testing

for how long

I’d hold out

& I’m not sure now

which of us

was the more stupid

wordlessly

I would not wish

to portray myself

as an accomplished roue

rake of the world

libertine or simple fool

when it comes to the ways

of the ladies

yet I was flummoxed

when she expressed desires

to try newer things

not that I was unwilling

more that her wishes

were wordless

mute longings

not fully exposed

even expressed in mime

in actions

or written

as lovers code

& yet

the feeling clearly given

it was me

that was lacking