done with me

in truth

she had very likely

been done with me for a while

had waited

to find the right time

to let me go

& we all know now

there is no right time

for the unlover

to tell the lover

this is over

stick a fork in it

we’re done

I don’t recall pleading

tho’ I certainly

felt some bleeding

tears coming on

walked away the pain

& when I

turned to look back

she was gone

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another day of this

they gave me pills

help take the pain away

& being young

maybe foolish

I felt if I took them all

I wouldn’t see

another day of this

to find myself

face down bathroom floor

puking on me

fighting tooth & claw

climb my way

back to living

take the next breath

something inside of me

wanting life & living

more than death

& the pain

was still there

my constant companion

but now I knew

this was just a part of me

not to be defeated

but accepted

worked through

my very own Sisyphean task

well honey

you expect people

to connect the dots

fill in the gaps

she said all sincere

well honey I said

equally all straight

when we started on this

the seeing each other

I had expectations

you wouldn’t be fucking others

all this screwing around

especially with my friends

that’s the bit that hurts

she got all snarly

that’s what I mean

you had not made that plain

left it as dots…

well honey I said

I believe you knew all that

as you got upset if I smiled

sat close to your friends

& the way you did those things

the hiding of it all

makes it clear

you knew it would end in pain

is that clear enough

for you?

well honey

is it?

tone poem

the air hung

thick & heavy

with the kind of accusation

you can’t back off from

I was being strident

apparently

where I felt I was being clear

had that sense of pronunciation

making sure

every single word was heard

while the accusee

felt it seemed that shouting

slinging shit words

tripped more easily

from that tongue I once loved

& the morning could not come

quick enough

to ease the pain

we were creating

no love left

only the hating

once the words are said

they can’t get put back

they have to be gone through

sometimes

until there is nothing left

I can take the pain

you can hit me over & over

& I will stand up tall

take it all

I learned early

to retreat inside

flat faced saying nothing

teeth clenched

so you can hit me again

& I will not move an inch

but this torture you do

words twisting

whistling the wind to come

sharper than knives

kill me deeper

than your fists kicks ever did

& you may not see the tears

falling inside

I know more than you ever will

when all you got to give is hurt

I can no longer linger here

but that doesn’t mean

your hurting isn’t on me

just that I will not let it show

one more maybe

to try to understand

maybe I was too old

to explain

it is possible to hold the pain

hearing a sad song on the radio

go about your day

accept the loss & pain

in this world

the shit falling down your way

& the sun will rise tomorrow

the girl will maybe

never love you again

but with those morning rays

comes another chance at a smile

another faint chance to make it ok