vibrating to red

there were many things there

all the colours we usually see

& those hidden by our eyes

but vibrating to red

seeing energy move between trees

the flowers earth & me

& looking into your thoughts

knowing more than I knew

we were not destined to be

I had taken a wrong path

my life after this could

never should be the same

& I knew the leaving

would not be easy

all the people I was with

to be left by the wayside

no longer fellow travellers

my road was diverging fast

& you were asking

how is it for you love?

& I had no answers

simple enough to give

nothing there in the margins

I could show

Advertisements

plenty of nothing

walking the streets in the early hours

hoping to meet no one

plundering the depths of self-hate

huddling against the cold

the same thoughts going over

& over

how full of shame I was

waste of skin & bone

hoping death would come

not in any dramatic way

but cold as the stone wall I sat on

because when you are young

the infinity of nothing is preferable

than this creeping stifling of blood

no energy to move forward

even less to go back

mute & bound to the moment

no ideas to do anything

just alone & sad

& nothing prepares you for this

no words no comforts

this is yours alone

constellations

sit & wonder

as a feckless kid

I lay on the ground

staring at the stars

thinking of space as empty

were there threads between constellations

& later

in classrooms

trying to narrow the space

between teachers & me

later me & students who sat there

wondering why they’d lost an evening

time during the day to come

& I wonder how many of us

ever bridge that gap between words

& our thoughts always

on the run

for the magic to flow

taking a long walk

with me

nobody else

doesn’t matter

city streets

bucolic countryside

just me

my thoughts

& one foot in front of the other

not waiting for clarity

understanding

yet knowing this will come

giving time

for the magic to flow

but first

one foot in front of the other

listening to the world

sniffing the air

breathing easy

letting it be

whatever comes

my way