worst part

of growing up

moving away from toys

to being interested in people

was finding the lie

everything it seemed

was made

composed of great lies

my parents marriage

school rules

rules on the street

bullshit on the tv

the closer I looked

the more I saw

the smoke & mirrors

illusion

difference between

what people said

& what they actually did

out there

sitting on the porch

of a once great motel

my own little patch of history

of motor court travelling

coke & ice machines on the corner

tho’ only the ice is working now

looking out at the night coming in

waiting for the neon to flicker

the clouds getting darker

the dying sun lighting their undersides

are you coming in? she calls

& all I’ve got in there is tv

maybe some loving later on

here I have everything I need

history nostalgia culture

a few cold beers in dripping free ice

thinking on of who else has sat here

wondering where what

tomorrow

the miles will bring

going home

standing on corners

walking the miles between those

to get on my way

I was going home

between deployments

postings to places

I’d never been

seen heard of before

to set out on trains

or exercising the thumb

thinking I’d see people

get some welcome there

& it never was

like the movies

in the tv scenes

the buzz I’d built up

expectations on the way

would disappear

the instant I’d knock on the door

& they’d say

oh you’re here

when do you go back?

 

cries in the night ‘why?’

my neighbours have dramas

they don’t need no tv show

they fuss they fight

the cussing is a delight

I record it for giggles

let all my friends know

lately she’s taking to beating

hits him with a broom

pots n pans food gets thrown

all about the place

spatters the room

the cops come haul him off

she sits on the front steps

beats herself around the head

cries in the night ‘why?’

I came up beside him

down at the grocery store

erm y’know fella this stuff

she does is abuse yeah?

& he stared me right down

told me to mind my own business

walked off all in a huff

& the next time the cops came

duckwalked him out in cuffs

I raised my glass high smiled

I see you’ve got a handle on things

& when she cried out why?

I told her you know baby

you ever thought of buying a tv

getting your drama kicks there?

& you know she told me

to fuck off

or she’d call the cops

there are some people you can’t help

right there

people got insurance

there at the bar

man is feeling flush

had a little touch last night

& tonight he’s all flash

new suit new shoes

new shirt new attitude

& who cares if some no mark

somewhere

is missing some jewellery tv cash?

he’s at the bar buying beers

& no one here is gonna ask

where the money he got came from

people got insurance don’t they?

all anybody will say

ever wants to do

is just

to make their life interesting

surround themselves with

nice things creating ease

good people happy times

but all of that gets distorted

by mistakes

mistaken people

taking the side track

easy route

addictions

to the tv

the booze

drugs

the drama

thinking these help

aid the good times

worse later

you find yourself

caught up in the drama

looking for the next fix

no effort entertainment

buzz of fake excitement

when all you wanted

was ease

good people good times

& now there are no signs showing

to back

where you wanted to be