& she is letting go

Anita is dancing

taking over the dance floor

couple of ciders

in her

& she is letting go

this is her night

her weekend

her world

with friends

all the good people

she knows

loves

likes trusts

understanding

she is letting go

we never hear her complain

pains of being a single mother

creating a happy home

this is her night

her weekend

& she is letting go

dancing

completely

to be free

we were sitting around

long summer afternoon

& the talk was on cruise ships

holidays they’d had

all package tours & trips

& my vagabond stuff

was of little no interest

as they turned to houses

cash money in the bank

as my wish to be there

will to live slowly sank

& then I noticed her all sly

counting the level of his drinks

putting up a plate for him

what tidbits she slid by

& I brightened up some

getting some understanding

so this is what it means

to be living comfortable

to be free

making promises

something

I said I would never do

making promises

along our way

I let go of you

tearing breaking apart

everything I’d said done

& said I would never do

you looked at me

beyond sad

beyond understanding

not the person

you thought I was

& that was the problem

far as I could see

I had reached out for you

too many times too often

found you not there

preoccupied inside

by your own thoughts

too far away

to come to me

Frozen

It was December
sometime
all the time in my early teens
we’d rowed again
my parents & me
not a misunderstanding
it was an oh too much understanding
I was not like them
this hungry cuckoo bird in the nest
they talked so much of responsibility
while evidencing little
my mistakes
were for scrutiny
theirs?
not so much
at all
so I left
nowhere to go
but stay seemed impossible
slept on a pile of bricks
under a plastic liner
no sleeping bag
blankets
nothing
& my brain froze
would not let me sleep
which was very probably a good thing
to keep me alive
& I learned
the best way to be invisible
is to show
your need
do that & the crowd
will walk right on by
while having conversations about care
social responsibility
& their love of charity
obliviously
in front of you
because
they too are frozen